Tag Archives: new life

Expectations vs Contentment

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Something happened today and it caused me to think about expectations.

In total fairness, my first reaction was surprise.  Then hurt.  Then blame.  Then shame.  Then, as the pain passed I was able to think about what I want.  Not about what someone else has to offer me…. but about what I do and don’t want in my life.

It occurred to me that people we know & love are just going about, living their own lives.  They have hopes, dreams, fears, and hang ups all their own.  Enter, us and our agenda.  Our expectations.  Our assumptions.  Our hopes, dreams, fears, and hang ups.

it.  gets.  messy.

Like, really messy.

I was really thinking about blame.  It’s my go-to deflector for discomfort.  “Well, I wouldn’t be hurting/embarrassed/upset if YOU had done… what I expected you to do.”

Who died and made us the boss?

I mean, really?

Who are we to have any expectation of another person?

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People make promises, and sometimes they don’t keep them.  That’s totally their stuff over there.  This is my stuff over here.

We assume that if someone says they love us, that means the same thing to them as those words to do us.

But it might not.

Expectations feel like control. It feels like they might be an excellent bridge to carry all our emotional baggage straight to someone else’s front lawn and dump it.

“Here”, we say. “You love me? You wanna be friends? Great. Now, you are responsible to please me and fill my pre-formed idea of what love and relationship should look like. Here is all my stuff. Please sort through the debris, drop your own issues like a hot rock, and present yourself to me confident, whole, and ready to make me happy.”

Are we serious with this shit?

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What if….
◾We expect things to be kinda messy.
◾We have compassion for someone else’s journey.
◾We take time to calm down and get some perspective when our own stuff gets triggered.
◾We get clear about what we want for our life.
◾We stay open, warm, and loving – especially when we are saying no thank you.

In moments where we feel our most loving, whole self, we are able to let relationships, opportunities, and life events ebb and flow in and out of our lives.

In a grace full, grateful way, we can sit in the green field of our own life and appreciate the simple goodness of breeze in our hair, the sun on our warm skin, and watch in love as time weaves its unique tapestry through our life.

It’s beauty takes my breath away sometimes – the joy, the pain, the peace, and always… always… the love.

Onward…

PS – I am quite sure there will be a follow up to this about what expectations are ok.  If there are any.  Research, here we come.

It Will Be Ok

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Not everyone is in a perfect, happy, beautiful family today… steeped in generations of honoring the same gravy recipe and using great great grandma’s serving platter for the holiday turkey. It’s not that way for everyone, dear heart. It’s just not.

It’s also not miserable! For some, it is. But take courage, wondering one… I does not have to be that way.

Sometimes, we get thrown in the “in between” don’t we? Years of traditions are gone … just like that. Or maybe they never existed for you.

Whatever it is, it’s going to be ok. It really, really is.

The whole world is not in pairs and happy bundles. Today, your heart might be broken…but it won’t last forever. Nothing does.

Just remember…neither does happiness.

The best boat to ride the ups and downs of life is a peaceful spirit. And you can find it. I know you can!

Step 1: You’re not allowed to beat yourself up any more. Whatever happens, whatever breaks, you are going to hold those embarrassing little pieces in your hands and love them.

Because they are part of you.

And you, my dear one, get to be loved.

Courage…