I’d Lost My Mind


A dozen years ago, I thought I was losing my mind. Really.

Now I know it was new baby sleep depravation and s job so stressful I threw up in the bushes every morning before going in.

Then, I thought I’d lost it.

I had to carry around a little notebook to write things down because you and I could have a conversation, then I’d walk 100 feet and completely forget it.

I don’t mean forget it like I needed a reminder. I mean forget it like I didn’t even remember it happened.

It. was. terrifying.

My brain was always the one thing I could count on about me. It worked. It worked really well.

I could figure ANYTHING out.

But not any more.

I remember sitting at my desk one day, feeling like a complete and total failure, when it hit me that it was not ME who had been doing all the things and figuring everything out. It was the brain God GAVE me. To use. For Him.

Nothing magical happened in that next moment. I wasn’t miraculously healed. I just ……knew.

At some point, I said “well, let me know what you want me to do with THIS brain.”

And He did.

Fast foreword a dozen years, through the passing of my dad, a divorce, and single parenting, and sometimes I feel like this brain has stopped working again. I’m not at my 100% smartest self. I go into Walmart to get three things, forget one, and end up buying a coffee. These things happen.

And, I wonder, if when I can sleep a little more, and worry less about finances, and get all 6 kids to graduation…..well, I wonder if my brain will work better again.

I want it to.

But, it’s a gift. And I’m thankful for it.

xo M

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