Saying No to “Almost Amazing”

Standard
Virginiaedited

Colonial Williamsburg, Virginia       July 2015

 “There are so many ways to be brave in this world. Sometimes bravery involves laying down your life for something bigger than yourself, or for someone else. Sometimes it involves giving up everything you have ever known, or everyone you have ever loved, for the sake of something greater.
But sometimes it doesn’t.
Sometimes it is nothing more than gritting your teeth through pain, and the work of every day, the slow walk toward a better life. That is the sort of bravery I must have now.” ― Veronica Roth, Allegiant    

 It is so incredibly easy to slip into a life we don’t love.  Even when we just spend every last ounce of our strength to crawl out of the valley – it can feel exhausting and isolated when we have to tell wonderful, beautiful, valuable people ….. no.

I hate saying no.  I hate saying it to my kids, to friends, customers, strangers, even.  I just don’t like saying it.  I especially hate saying no when it’s something that I want.
.
I have learned the oh-so-hard way that we can want something that would feel amazing today, and hurt later.  It’s not so much a choice between good and bad, but between how we want to feel in our lives, and how we don’t want to feel.
.
The hardest hardest thing is when we have to say no to something that is so almost the exact right thing we can taste it.
 .
Like our dream job that won’t quite pay the bills.
Like the private school that requires your child to practice a different religion.
Like the free vacation we don’t have the ability to take.
Like the relationship with the perfect guy who won’t commit.
Like the best friend who sometimes talks behind your back.
Like the employee who you love but your customers don’t.
Like the family member who only comes around when they want something.
Like the spouse who still sleeps in your house, but is not in love with you any more.
 .
These are the days we put on our grown folk pants.  These are the days we either are ready to lay the pieces out on the kitchen table and sort through them a little more, or we aren’t.
 .
One thing is for sure.  You can’t be ready until you’re ready.   You just can’t.
 .
We have a tribal rule here – we are not allowed to beat ourselves up.  So if you’re not ready, dear one, you’re just not ready.
 .
I know you want to do something.  You want to make progress.
.
Today, just practice.  Practice being aware of your own self.  Practice taking a moment when you feel something and giving your own heart the attention you would someone you love so dearly.  With tender eyes, a warm voice, and a soft heart, ask yourself “what is it you’re feeling right now?”   Naming what we feel is perhaps one of the most powerful stepping stones to awareness we have.  It creates ownership and a sense of strength.
.
And I know you need to feel stronger right now.
.
Try this today and let me know how it goes.
.
You are so brave. And you are so, so loved.
 .
IMG_3139

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s