Something happened today and it caused me to think about expectations.
In total fairness, my first reaction was surprise. Then hurt. Then blame. Then shame. Then, as the pain passed I was able to think about what I want. Not about what someone else has to offer me…. but about what I do and don’t want in my life.
It occurred to me that people we know & love are just going about, living their own lives. They have hopes, dreams, fears, and hang ups all their own. Enter, us and our agenda. Our expectations. Our assumptions. Our hopes, dreams, fears, and hang ups.
it. gets. messy.
Like, really messy.
I was really thinking about blame. It’s my go-to deflector for discomfort. “Well, I wouldn’t be hurting/embarrassed/upset if YOU had done… what I expected you to do.”
Who died and made us the boss?
I mean, really?
Who are we to have any expectation of another person?
People make promises, and sometimes they don’t keep them. That’s totally their stuff over there. This is my stuff over here.
We assume that if someone says they love us, that means the same thing to them as those words to do us.
But it might not.
Expectations feel like control. It feels like they might be an excellent bridge to carry all our emotional baggage straight to someone else’s front lawn and dump it.
“Here”, we say. “You love me? You wanna be friends? Great. Now, you are responsible to please me and fill my pre-formed idea of what love and relationship should look like. Here is all my stuff. Please sort through the debris, drop your own issues like a hot rock, and present yourself to me confident, whole, and ready to make me happy.”
Are we serious with this shit?
◾We expect things to be kinda messy.
◾We have compassion for someone else’s journey.
◾We take time to calm down and get some perspective when our own stuff gets triggered.
◾We get clear about what we want for our life.
◾We stay open, warm, and loving – especially when we are saying no thank you.
In moments where we feel our most loving, whole self, we are able to let relationships, opportunities, and life events ebb and flow in and out of our lives.
In a grace full, grateful way, we can sit in the green field of our own life and appreciate the simple goodness of breeze in our hair, the sun on our warm skin, and watch in love as time weaves its unique tapestry through our life.
It’s beauty takes my breath away sometimes – the joy, the pain, the peace, and always… always… the love.