I’ll Meet You There

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Feeling stuck in a relationship is a little like standing on the edge of a cliff. Our mind tells us “it’s all or nothing. I either move and jump to my death or stay here, far away from the amazing life I can see over there for myself.”

Friend, first I just wanna give you the biggest hug in the world and then let’s come over here to the kitchen table and let me know how you like your coffee.

Ok..now then. I want you to know this business of “all or nothing” is something our brain tells us when we’re really upset. It helps keep us safe: fight or flight.

Adrenaline is pumping through our body because we needed to fight dinosaurs or punch out a velociraptor. Or whatever. My history is a little sketchy.

👉🏼Here’s the thing: THERE IS ALWAYS A THIRD OPTION.

Say it with me: there is always a third option.

If you’re feeling stuck in relationship, you might feel like your options are: stay and wither or jump! And it’s so far down!

I want you to know jumping is not required at this moment. Take a few steps back from the ledge. Have a seat.

Think about what you want for your life. If you were going to make a movie about how you wanted your life to be, what would that movie be like?

Notice the feeling inside you as you imagine how your life could be great.

🎯Hear me: that FEELING is the target. Pay attention – the specific life you imagine isn’t the goal. That FEELING is.

Memorize it. Notice the times in your life when you feel that way.

When you’re ready, I want you to stand back up and get curious about the ground all around you. What looks interesting? Explore it. Before long, you’ll notice a foot trail leading off the cliff. Not too steep, ok to walk on, looks interesting.

Grab a bottle of water and take it. Start down that path. Everything is going to be a little scary because it’s new. It’s not the hamster wheel you were just on. That’s ok. Just take a few steps if you can and get a new view. When it gets to be too much, you can head back to familiar and try again when you’re ready.

This…..this is growth. This is unstuck. You are already somewhere different. You did it. Your mind got curious. Your feet will follow. And maybe your partner too 💗

Tag someone who needs to hear this today 👇🏼💗

xo M

Who’s Your They?

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Life gets a whole lot better when we learn to turn down the volume of “they”.

What will THEY think

What will THEY say

What will happen when THEY find out who I really am

Who is your “they”? Which actual human beings have opinions that matter to you?

Write down their names.

Not groups of people, like “church” “work” “family” “friends”.

Actual names of actual people.

Now ask yourself how many of those people are tiptoeing through their life because of what YOU would think about THEM?

My guess is your list just pretty small.

Like, real small.

You are 100% free to disagree with me on this, and I can hear it. And I’m going to go ahead and tell you my list can fit on a 1”x1” post it. It’s literally three people.

My “they” is three people.

It’s not because I don’t care about people. I care very much! So much that the weight of disappointing people was at times almost paralyzing. And I just knew I couldn’t go on like that.

So I took a few years and some very deep breaths and figured out who is on my list. Who is my “they”. You know what the most beautiful surprise was? Every single person on that list is someone who would love me no matter what. So they really aren’t even a “they” after all!

Wherever you are, wherever you go, know you are so so loved. Tag someone who needs to hear this today💗

xo M

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#expectations #contentment #betterlife #fear #singlemom #failure #success #decisions #vulnerability

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Let’s talk just for a sec about entanglements. They look like a relationship, they act like a relationship, but they absolutely positively are not. Very simply:

👉🏼RELATIONSHIPS are a place your innermost thoughts and feelings can show up and belong. It’s safe to grow. It’s safe to say “I think I failed” and “I’m scared”.

👉🏼ENTANGLEMENTS are none of that. Your body shows up, you make decisions together, you spend time together, you might even live together and parent together. But you know in your heart of hearts it’s not quite right. Part of you has to stay shut down. Pieces of you have been put away because no matter how hard you try, they’re not understood or appreciated.

If you want to grow, the relationship will encourage and nurture it. The entanglement will react with knee jerk fear and sometimes anger.

✍🏼Entanglements have two options: quit and leave or quit and stay.

If you quit and stayed, know this moment there is still hope. Growth is one decision away. Happier is one decision away. Fulfilled is one decision away.

And let’s get clear – it has nothing to do with the other person. It has to do with YOU.

YOU decide to be a best friend to yourself. YOU decide to grow and do your utmost best to honor the relationship until it either transforms or comes to a natural end.

Remember: a healthy friend/family member/partner will always want YOU to be at your best brightest version of you.

Wherever you are in your journey, just know you are so so loved.

xo M

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#growthmindset #growth #relationshipgoals #growth #intimacy #trust #vulnerability #brave #belong

Love and Dumpster Fires

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Love brings tears to our eyes. I’m not sure why that is….if you’re a scientist and know, I’d love to hear it. Because the tears are IMPORTANT. If someone gives you a gift today and it doesn’t bring tears to your eyes, I want you to hold some space and think about that when you’re ready, ok? And if someone you’re in relationship with doesn’t acknowledge this day at all, hold some space to think about that too.

Today isn’t just about being in relationship. I mean….some relationships are barely contained dumpster fires you’re frantically hoping don’t burn down the whole town, right?? Right.

Today is about connection. Do we feel deeply connected to people we love?

If you’re longing for something you don’t quite have today, know you’re in good company. We are all living in the “ish”. We have some of what we want, but not all.

The question is: how can we get more?

The answer: whatever you’re wanting from life, you must give it to yourself FIRST.

You want love and connection? Give it to yourself first.

You want recognized for being the amazing, brilliant, generous, fun person you are? Give it to yourself first.

Because here’s what we know:

1) we teach people how to treat us.

2) if we aren’t already used to being loved and appreciated, we won’t know what to do with a great relationship when it DOES show up.

Can I get an amen?

So today….pay attention to where love and deep connection exists for you. Appreciate those spaces. And notice where it’s not.

and I just want you to know …you are so so loved.

xo M

Pampered Chef & Chocolate EVERYTHING

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That one time everybody came over to look at pampered chef and we all ended up drinking @lajwahmelissa ‘s strawberry wine and eating all the chocolate and we’re fine with it. Happy Valentine’s week!

Need some Pampered Chef? Our tribe has the hook up with Becca, an amazing friend who just adopted a little 6 yr old girl from an orphanage in India. All proceeds go to help fund this incredible adoption story: https://m.facebook.com/groups/1671379003152088?ref=share

Party closes Sunday at 8pm: http://Pamperedchef.com/party/micheleb

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xo. M

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#chocolatecoveredstrawberries

#glutenfreebrownies

#homemade

#chocolatedonut

#carnitas

#pamperedchef

The Power of Prayer and a Plan

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I get a lot of questions about the farm, and questions about how to get started. Here’s an article Ozarks Farm & Neighbor did a few years ago.

In the end, it seems to always come down to this: are you willing to do hard things? 👉🏼👉🏼Hard things is where grit is born.

It’s funny how that works….the more hard things you witness yourself do, the more courage you have to try again.

What’s next for you? And what’s keeping you from it?

http://www.ozarksfn.com/2015/04/06/the-power-of-prayer-and-a-plan/

xo M

📸: Bonnie Hall

I’d Lost My Mind

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A dozen years ago, I thought I was losing my mind. Really.

Now I know it was new baby sleep depravation and s job so stressful I threw up in the bushes every morning before going in.

Then, I thought I’d lost it.

I had to carry around a little notebook to write things down because you and I could have a conversation, then I’d walk 100 feet and completely forget it.

I don’t mean forget it like I needed a reminder. I mean forget it like I didn’t even remember it happened.

It. was. terrifying.

My brain was always the one thing I could count on about me. It worked. It worked really well.

I could figure ANYTHING out.

But not any more.

I remember sitting at my desk one day, feeling like a complete and total failure, when it hit me that it was not ME who had been doing all the things and figuring everything out. It was the brain God GAVE me. To use. For Him.

Nothing magical happened in that next moment. I wasn’t miraculously healed. I just ……knew.

At some point, I said “well, let me know what you want me to do with THIS brain.”

And He did.

Fast foreword a dozen years, through the passing of my dad, a divorce, and single parenting, and sometimes I feel like this brain has stopped working again. I’m not at my 100% smartest self. I go into Walmart to get three things, forget one, and end up buying a coffee. These things happen.

And, I wonder, if when I can sleep a little more, and worry less about finances, and get all 6 kids to graduation…..well, I wonder if my brain will work better again.

I want it to.

But, it’s a gift. And I’m thankful for it.

xo M

When They Don’t Remember

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There’s love everywhere you look 💗 we just have to be open to finding it.

Our calling in foster care is babies. Sick babies. Hurting babies. Abandoned babies. All of it.

Sometimes after they are with their forever family, we see them for play dates or by coincidence in the store. We remember them – they don’t quite understand how they remember us.

It’s hard for my kids to understand. It stings to have poured yourself into someone and changed the trajectory of their whole life …..and have them peek at you behind their new mama’s skirt.

It’s the work. It’s the calling. And it’s not about us. It’s about them. It’s about a transformation that lets their forever family get a glimpse of the child instead of just the chaos.

Mostly, it’s just about love. Stumbling, hoping you’re giving them what they need, in the trenches, love.

And….when we think about it…all love has those seasons, doesn’t it?

xo M

Giving Clarity a Place to Land

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Something about this feels so true. 2018 was one of the most challenging, and fulfilling, years of my life. I think it asked me what I’m all about. Maybe life is always asking us what we’re all about. It’s not so much that our answer changes……maybe it’s just as we grow and have more light, we can see better. That feels true.

You know what else is true? I mentally & emotionally celebrate the starting of a new year in November. I take myself to @crackerbarrel and write down some things that are important to me. I try to keep my heart and mind open so clarity has a place to land when it shows up.

January 1 can feel full of “should” and “I wish” and “maybe”. Those are really hard for me. Maybe they are for you too.

What if Jan 1 was just another day you woke up and did your best to stay open to what life is trying to show you….give you…..

I can get on board with that 💗

What’s Your Story Right Now?

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“They don’t make em like that any more”.

That’s the kind of thing people say when they walk in a historic home. The craftsmanship, the wood floors, high ceilings, huge windows, well….it’s just the thing people say.

I love homes like this. They’re beautiful, yes, and they also have a story. A story that is not “let’s bulldoze this down and make a parking lot” or “let’s rip out the inside and turn it into something else”.

It’s a story of someone who cared. Someone who cared enough to make those scrolly gingerbread house things along the roof. Someone who cared enough to build a swoopy curved porch roof that must have taken determination and ages to complete. Someone who cared enough to build it big enough for a family.

And now, I care. Somewhere in the universe, I feel like someone is resting easy because of that.

And that’s what we want isn’t it? For someone to see what we’ve tried to do. To notice our effort. To see how hard we’ve worked. And to pick up the torch when we just can’t any more.

Contractors are scheduled to finish the exterior this week and I’m so hoping the painting and interior work can still start next week!

🌿What’s your labor of love? What are you pouring your heart & energy into these days?