I’d Lost My Mind

A dozen years ago, I thought I was losing my mind. Really.

Now I know it was new baby sleep depravation and s job so stressful I threw up in the bushes every morning before going in.

Then, I thought I’d lost it.

I had to carry around a little notebook to write things down because you and I could have a conversation, then I’d walk 100 feet and completely forget it.

I don’t mean forget it like I needed a reminder. I mean forget it like I didn’t even remember it happened.

It. was. terrifying.

My brain was always the one thing I could count on about me. It worked. It worked really well.

I could figure ANYTHING out.

But not any more.

I remember sitting at my desk one day, feeling like a complete and total failure, when it hit me that it was not ME who had been doing all the things and figuring everything out. It was the brain God GAVE me. To use. For Him.

Nothing magical happened in that next moment. I wasn’t miraculously healed. I just ……knew.

At some point, I said “well, let me know what you want me to do with THIS brain.”

And He did.

Fast foreword a dozen years, through the passing of my dad, a divorce, and single parenting, and sometimes I feel like this brain has stopped working again. I’m not at my 100% smartest self. I go into Walmart to get three things, forget one, and end up buying a coffee. These things happen.

And, I wonder, if when I can sleep a little more, and worry less about finances, and get all 6 kids to graduation…..well, I wonder if my brain will work better again.

I want it to.

But, it’s a gift. And I’m thankful for it.

xo M

When They Don’t Remember

There’s love everywhere you look 💗 we just have to be open to finding it.

Our calling in foster care is babies. Sick babies. Hurting babies. Abandoned babies. All of it.

Sometimes after they are with their forever family, we see them for play dates or by coincidence in the store. We remember them – they don’t quite understand how they remember us.

It’s hard for my kids to understand. It stings to have poured yourself into someone and changed the trajectory of their whole life …..and have them peek at you behind their new mama’s skirt.

It’s the work. It’s the calling. And it’s not about us. It’s about them. It’s about a transformation that lets their forever family get a glimpse of the child instead of just the chaos.

Mostly, it’s just about love. Stumbling, hoping you’re giving them what they need, in the trenches, love.

And….when we think about it…all love has those seasons, doesn’t it?

xo M

Giving Clarity a Place to Land

Something about this feels so true. 2018 was one of the most challenging, and fulfilling, years of my life. I think it asked me what I’m all about. Maybe life is always asking us what we’re all about. It’s not so much that our answer changes……maybe it’s just as we grow and have more light, we can see better. That feels true.

You know what else is true? I mentally & emotionally celebrate the starting of a new year in November. I take myself to @crackerbarrel and write down some things that are important to me. I try to keep my heart and mind open so clarity has a place to land when it shows up.

January 1 can feel full of “should” and “I wish” and “maybe”. Those are really hard for me. Maybe they are for you too.

What if Jan 1 was just another day you woke up and did your best to stay open to what life is trying to show you….give you…..

I can get on board with that 💗

What’s Your Story Right Now?

“They don’t make em like that any more”.

That’s the kind of thing people say when they walk in a historic home. The craftsmanship, the wood floors, high ceilings, huge windows, well….it’s just the thing people say.

I love homes like this. They’re beautiful, yes, and they also have a story. A story that is not “let’s bulldoze this down and make a parking lot” or “let’s rip out the inside and turn it into something else”.

It’s a story of someone who cared. Someone who cared enough to make those scrolly gingerbread house things along the roof. Someone who cared enough to build a swoopy curved porch roof that must have taken determination and ages to complete. Someone who cared enough to build it big enough for a family.

And now, I care. Somewhere in the universe, I feel like someone is resting easy because of that.

And that’s what we want isn’t it? For someone to see what we’ve tried to do. To notice our effort. To see how hard we’ve worked. And to pick up the torch when we just can’t any more.

Contractors are scheduled to finish the exterior this week and I’m so hoping the painting and interior work can still start next week!

🌿What’s your labor of love? What are you pouring your heart & energy into these days?

Airplanes and Babies

A friend is traveling with her toddler by plane and asked for some tips. Here were my ideas, and I’m so interested in yours!

***

Prepare thyself. It could be amazing. It could be poltergeist.

🌱Take salty snacks and give them to her when the flight attendants are doing the safety talk. Then give her a bottle or sippy cup to drink when the plane takes off. The swallowing will help clear the pressure in her ears. Also, if she’s at all prone to allergies, give her some allergy medicine before you go. Keeping fluid out of her ears and sinus cavities is best when she’s not used to the air pressure in the plane.

🌱Also: take a backpack of new (to her) toys. Separate them in ziploc bags so you can pull out a new ziplock bag when you need it and it will keep her interested. I can loan you some if you want so they’re new to her.

🌱Also: do not let her skip a nap and then think “she’ll sleep on the plane”. WE sleep on planes. Babies seem not to. And then it’s like you’re a sweaty panicked human jungle gym for two hours and everybody’s fried. 💗

🌱Take more diapers than you think you’ll need. You will be changing her in your lap of the seat next to you is taken. Take two lightweight blankets to lay in your lap under her. Also take a few 1 gallon ziploc bags to put dirty clothes in. Take a change of clothes for her and a change of clothes for you on the plane. Easily accessible in the bag by your feet not the overhead.

But First, The Falling

Even a rocket falls apart to get to the next level. Let what needs to go, go. Travel lighter. Believe in what’s next. Trust that whatever it is, it’s the next step to more joy. More light. More love.

But first, the falling apart.

Wherever you are, wherever you go next, know you are so so loved 💗

xo M

Beautiful Like You

Be gentle. Be a force to be reckoned with. Be still. Grow. Be all the things. Or none of them.

Here’s the absolute truth: there has ever been, and will only ever be, one of you. Advice is good. Having goals is good. But nothing trumps what you KNOW is right for you. You can feel it in your bones.

It’s your truth. Stand by it and be a best friend to it. It is YOU.

Wherever you go, whatever you do, know you are so so loved.

xo M